When Having it All, Just Isn’t Enough

Originally Published in absolutely! IN THE LOOP

THE GROW ISSUE

Aug/Sept 2010

Once I escaped a childhood of poverty and abuse and launched myself into the world of professional success, power and acquisition, I gave no thought to anything other than achieving what I thought was the ultimate prize - an elite lifestyle.  From the prestigious, well-paying career and the big, expensive house in an exclusive neighborhood to the fancy car, fine food and wine, couture clothes and exotic travel, the more I achieved, the more I wanted.  Enough was just never enough.  But more didn’t make me feel happy or fulfilled. 

Sure, my professional achievements and the accumulation of stuff brought satisfaction, but the feelings paled in comparison to my growing sense of emptiness.  Fear, sleepless nights, panic attacks and tears followed.  What was wrong with me?  I’d followed the rules.  I’d done everything I was supposed to do to thrive and be happy.  I was traditionally successful, but miserable.  I wondered if life would be better if I chucked it all and moved to a farm in the middle of nowhere.  But that thought scared me even more.

Was the dream a big lie or was there something wrong with me?

Read the full story at http://www.absolutelyintheloop.com/features/when-having-it-all-just-isn%E2%80%99t-enough